Friday, June 26, 2009

212.

Last night in Pittsburgh was amazing. I met the best people. Originally I was somewhat uneasy about the whole thing, considering I was going with two people who had previously lived there. I thought that I would continue my trend of being socially awkward, but I rarely had a quiet moment. Everyone was so welcoming. Brendan from Who Goes There?/Da Bears asked if Chase or Oz was dating me. When I said I was a single lady, he told me that I should move to Pittsburgh and I'd be "snatched up." People I had just met hugged me goodbye or gave awesome high fives. I had a great time. La Dispute was so incredibly good. I talked to the vocalist for a little bit and he was the nicest guy ever.

As my moving date is approaching, I'm becoming terrified, although extremely excited. The past few weeks have been rough, just thinking about the fact that my dad isn't here to experience this with me. He didn't see me graduate, let alone see me enter high school. And he isn't here to see me unconditionally love someone ; the only thing he ever preached.




Jordan Dreyer ; Pittsburgh, PA.

Monday, June 22, 2009

211.

.I'm hoping that this week will be better than last. No flat tires. No crying. No hysterically crying.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

210.

Another Fathers' Day without a father

Saturday, June 20, 2009

209.

M. Ward : Bad Dream

Not too long ago, I told you that there are two people in this world that can affect my moods with the drop of a hat. You told me that you hope you're not one of them. Some days I wish you weren't either, maybe that would make acceptance of our fate so much easier. Maybe moving away from you wouldn't scare me. The "what ifs" are tearing me apart. When I move away do you still not want me to "get too far away from you?" Are you going to give your heart away to an undeserving girl? I wanted to keep a distance from you, but something about you always pulls me back in. Hearing from you after months of not speaking or seeing each other, made me think about our old times and then they quickly came back. I don't want you to forget them.

Oh! Every night I’m dreaming of you and we’re weaving through a crowded room and I ask you to be my best friend too and then I lose you. On a steamer with a small-city band I chase you through the room again and you’re gone before the next dance ends. I don't know what it means. But I should do what I want to do and I should dream about whoever I want to dream about. But every night I’m calling out your name and every time you get away. Oh and I’m damned before I even begin but I'll chase you through the room again. And I’ll ask you to be my best best friend and then I lose you.

208.

Elliott Smith : Fond Farewell to a Friend

I have become accustomed to good things never lasting very long. I'll make the best of it, some how. I will try to understand your reasoning and embrace it, even though I really don't want to.

John Dankenbring passed away on Thursday. I hadn't talked to him in a few years but I'll remember the times spent.

This is not my life. It's just a fond farewell to a friend. It's not what I'm like. It's just a fond farewell to a friend who couldn't get things right. Fond farewell to a friend. He said really I just wanna dance. Good and evil matched perfect it's a great romance. I can deal with some physic pain if it'll slow down my higher brain. Veins full of disappearing ink. Vomiting in the kitchen sink. Disconnecting from the missing link. This is not my life. It's just a fond farewell to a friend. It's not what I'm like. It's just a fond farewell to a friend who couldn't get things right. I see you're leaving me and taking up with the enemy, the cold comfort of the in between. A little less than a human being, a little less than a happy high, a little less than a suicide; the only things that you really tried.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

207.



Aaron Casey ; Latonia, KY.

I can't believe that I'm here. I can't believe that you'd care. And if or rather when it all goes wrong, will I retain any dignity at all? Unlike the last one under a cold sun. Unlike that last one, I almost died.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

206.

I will not allow my states of confusion to put me in a bad place. I will not allow my desires to cloud my judgment. I am taking everything as it is, even if I want so much more.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

205.

I wish I had met you years ago, even if it only meant we'd be the closest of friends now. I'm leaving in two months and after spending the past few days with you, I know I don't want to leave you behind.

"We've got a lot, don't you dare forget that."

Monday, June 15, 2009

204.

All I can say is that I love the Casey family entirely too much. Camping this past weekend was great. The fact that I've spent the past six days with Aaron is great. Brent singing "Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur" and other variations probably made my life. I'm really happy right now.

"I don't want to let you get too far away from me, even when you move. So lets not let that happen. Let's keep this going. We've got a good thing going right now."

Monday, June 8, 2009

203.

The Good Life : On This Picket Fence

I'm not putting myself on the line this time. I'm not chasing you anymore. I'm right here in front of you, so come as you please.

Things are good. We should take a polaroid, a memento before the moment's destroyed. We constantly bicker, these flickering moods. We’re hardly making any sense. Either you love me or you leave me. Don’t you leave me on this picket fence. It’s been hard. We’ve both got our histories. That haunt these homes. But I ain’t bathing in our misery. So pour me a drink and don’t pour it too weak. And grab it from the top shelf. I ain’t asking for redemption and this ain’t no cry for help. Well, things are good. We take it all for granted. We turn that wheel back to all our bad habits. But I don’t believe we need love to succeed. But the least you could do is pretend. Either you love me or you leave me. Don’t you leave me on this picket fence. Either you love me or you’ll leave me, don’t you leave me

Saturday, June 6, 2009

202.

I had my wisdom teeth extracted Thursday morning. I don't remember much of the first day due to being extremely drugged. Annalise came and watched movies with me Thursday night and last night. Aaron dropped off some movies for me and laid around for a bit yesterday. I cannot wait until I can eat real food again. I've been restricted to everything I don't have to chew: applesauce, mashed potatoes, yogurt.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

201.

Owen : I'm Not Going Anywhere Tonight

Last night was filled with awkwardness, yet it was one of the best nights I've had in a long time. Spending time with old best friends, getting soaked in the rain, and the evening ending in a sweaty dance party. This is the one thing I will miss about Cincinnati. I will not miss the vindictive girls who shove boyfriends in exgirlfriends' faces. I will not miss the awkward stares across the room.

Sometimes I wish I could just shake you, and all of your senses would finally come together. I didn't blatantly tell you how I felt last night, but I'm hoping that what I did say, got the point across. You and him can change my mood in a flat second. I'm not sure why or what it means. My best explanation is that you are both so important to me regardless of what's between us, whether it's another girl or a stupid drive home. If there is one thing I regret, it's driving home that night. Maybe then, things would be different and we wouldn't be so far behind. But maybe what I said, has changed things for the worse.

I’m not going anywhere tonight, because of something said. I know, I know, it was meant well, but it still hurt like hell. It's okay, it's alright its just that I’m a little tired of fading interest, of boys and girls. You know me and, you know me and I wanna say, I’m gonna say, I’m not the same, maybe in time. I’m not making promises in life cause of something I did to my best friend, that was way back when. Not anything was everything then. I know it’s not fair to the fairest of them all (you know who you are). I’ve got your picture on a mirror on my wall. I know you and, I know you and, but you wanna say in the worst of ways that I’m afraid and maybe too late. I’m not going anywhere tonight cause I don’t want to, I don’t have to. It’s my right to be a fucking baby sometimes.

Monday, June 1, 2009

200.

I have never been so excited to be in the middle of nowhere, under the stars at night, and sit by a fire. Nothing can ruin this.

199.

Everytime I hear from you, it upsets me. I can't wait to get away from you.