Thursday, December 9, 2010

309.

Snowing : Damp Feathers

Does there come a point in time when you stop hoping and wishing for someone you love to change? It seems that I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and the kind of person I hope for you to become. When will I stop comparing how I feel with you to how I feel with other people? There is this hold over me that I can't seem to break free from.

True you are a misunderstanding that I misjudged when I misused you, but blinding light (a swollen eye) is not the type of thing I deny. Though you aren't so gently noticed, I genuinely tried to warn you that my hearts like a ball of twine. It takes a little time to unwind. Come closer. He can't be the one you want all the time.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

308.

Cheap Girls : Something That I Need

Dear Ability to Make Smart Decisions,
Please let me make smart decisions. Right now, it's really hard to make my heart in sync with my brain.

The words I say, they don't mean anything, and I don't want to hear it at all. But someone's gotta do what the others, they will not do. It looks like we rose just to fall. You said you saw something when you saw me standing on east side steps. Looking for something to make more of nothing like before is coming round again. Some say I look shook up or just abandon. Hey will you just make the call? To a couple blocks away where we both know that all the right ones stay. They've got something that I need but they aren't the sharing type. And you know I take it all too seriously when you sit right back, start fucking with me. We both got something to say for the sake of saying something. I should just start writing down half of the things that you say because these last few weeks have been a complete and total blur. What's the chance of me getting wrapped up and carried out to sea? I've got a motive if you've got an answer. I'm sorry, I just had to call.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

307.

Lemuria : It's Not a Lie, It's a Secret

I never thought I could say I feel relieved to not have you in my life, but I am. You're going to drown in your own selfish lifestyle and behavior. You're going to continue having friends and lovers that don't really care about you. Someday when you're old and there's no one there to take care of you, you'll regret how you've treated me.

I also never thought I'd meet someone else so soon. Even if this doesn't work out, I feel so much better. I need to start surrounding myself with people who love and care about me unconditionally, and not just whenever it is convenient. I need to start focusing on myself again.

Let's fog up some more windows, clutter up in the back of your rusty car. I'm a little nervous, I haven't done this in quite awhile. There's a lot of inches, receiving all those wonderful kisses. Things are falling right into place. I think I've been kissing all those things I've been missing. I think I've been missing everything moving slow.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

306.

Iron Chic : Every Town Has an Elm Street

I have this feeling in my stomach that won't go away. I can't sleep at night. I just want to get back to normal. I've always known that both Cincinnati and Chicago would be my homes. Lately when I've been in Cincinnati I feel like I'm going back to a place full of both good and bad memories. Any sort of memory is killing me.

You took the first fucking chance to get out of town. I'm cool with that but I still want you around. I wouldn't say I'm stuck here but that's irrelevant because you're free and clear. But don't sweat it. I'm just saying I couldn't really make a case for staying. I don't think I'm wrong, I don't think you're wrong. In the worst fucking case we could lose ourselves, each of us in a personal hell. We can take the heartache as we stumble our way through our old mistakes. And I get it, I don't regret it. I just want to be the one who said it. Right or wrong it's different when you're gone. We made a hell of a mess out of this poor town. We've been given the chance to spread it around. We do things the hard way. We all fall apart at our own pace. Ugly bedrooms, bred bad habits made it hard to see through all the static. Does it ever end? It never fucking ends. We saw it coming from a thousand miles away. It's a brand new day and we all find our way. Home is where the heart stays when the heart strays. Home is where we are today.

Monday, November 1, 2010

305.

RVIVR: Real Mean

I'm getting on much better now. Maybe you ignoring all of my attempts at communication is actually good for me. I've never been good at letting people go and you just seem to not really care at all. It is just strange to think that our downward spiral came out of nowhere and one day we're waking up next to each other, and the next we're not even speaking.

Now I just need my motivation back.

I read back over things that I wrote three years ago and I'm ten years older. Time moves fast and time moves slow. Before you told me that I'd fucked up worse than none before, you whispered that I was a better person than you. I disagreed then, don't anymore. And what's the use? I know that you're just sore to lose. Cause I was never half as bad as you were bad to me. Being real not being mean. You tried to twist it. I tried to fix it more than you could ever know. To do things to be your friend and make it right. To find a thread that I could start to sew. You're old enough to know the difference between being real and being mean.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

304.

Kind of Like Spitting: Who Cares How Much

It's strange to think that you can live your entire life without someone or even feeling like something is missing. Then that someone walks in and out of your life and you can't possibly think of how to continue on without them.

I haven't talked to you in two weeks and it's starting to feel like months. I'm sure everyone thinks that it is for the best but I have yet to have this epiphany. For the past two weeks I've had nightmares accompanied by good dreams of you. You stand at the end of this long hallway and when I get to you, you ask me what took me so long. Or you hand me letters you've written to me on receipts or scrap pieces of paper. They say how much you love me and that you want things to work. Or you're just there, like we've never been separated at all.

Who cares how much I need that face in my life? Who cares how much I want to hang around? Who cares how much I need that look in my life? Who cares how much I want you around? Who cares how much we argue at night? Who cares how much comfort I feel sleeping on the right? Who cares how much one breast sags from the other? Who cares how much I'll miss this something? And I need something for this headache for this backache, and I need something for this headache for this back break. Who cares how much you cry? You could fill a bucket with your sorrow from eye to eye.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

303.

Modest Mouse: Whenever You Breathe Out, I Breathe In

I push you away so that you can realize how you've been treating me. Instead I think you've realized you don't care.

My mind is always somewhere else, usually replaying happy scenes over and over in my head. I've had some very cryptic dreams lately that have made me want to study latent dreaming even more.

I want my life back.

Hey, haven't seen you around in a while. I didn't go to work for a month. I didn't leave my bed for eight days straight. I haven't hung out with anyone 'cause if I did, I'd have nothing to say. I didn't feel angry or depressed. I didn't feel anything at all. I didn't want to go to bed and I didn't want to stay up late. When you're living your life, well, that's the price you pay. Whenever I breathe out, you're breathing it in. Whenever I breathe out, you take it in again. I'm feeling this positive/negative, positive/negative.