296.

I Hate Myself : Song For All The Young Casanovas And Casnovettes

Hello, gaping hole in my heart. I don't feel like myself anymore. So much for optimism.

I suggest you only ever tell lies because once you tell the truth they'll break your heart. Don't ever look them in the eyes because those eyes are gonna rip your heart apart. I recommend you keep your distance, because once you get too close , you'll lose control. Don't ever fall in love; just stay buried in your lonely hole. Take it from experience: desperate acts are ridiculous. Don't ever tell the truth, because the ones you love will do the same to you.

295.

Pedro the Lion : Of Minor Prophets and Their Prostitute Wives

I wrote you another letter. I'm still deciding on whether I should send it or not. Maybe when I won't be seeing you for awhile and you can think about what I have to say. I'm feeling even more stupid as the days go by that you don't talk to me.

All the time you were burning my letters you were only acting the part. You think without me you'll get on much better but you don't even know your own heart. Come home, darling. Come home quickly. Come home, darling. All is forgiven, so come home quickly. I treated you as if you were a princess. You treated me like a cop. I gave you boundaries to save you from certain death dangling from the end of the rope. Come home, darling. Come home quickly. Come home, darling. All is forgiven, so come home quickly. But your still playing for a love you'll never find outside of these arms of mine. The whole town is one step behind you with the hang man on call. They've got the judge and you're convicted without a plea . Darling, they will listen to me.

294.

A girl told me about her long distance relationship that worked for almost all of her freshman year. They broke up over spring break but spent the summer and weekends sleeping together. I know that that is what I'm settling for and I know that in the long run, it's just hurting me more. I wish I wasn't settling and I wish I didn't always replay him drunkenly telling me he is still love with me. Drunken words are sober thoughts, right? I don't feel any pain now because just waking up next to him is enough for me right now. I'd rather be close to him than reject any contact. I hate that every day I try to imagine my life if I had stayed in Cincinnati. I imagine that nothing would have changed and that I would be happy. I hate that I think that because I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm in the place that I pushed to get to for four years. I'm in the place that will help me get to where I want to be. I know that the place we'll end up won't be the same place. Until the day that we no longer speak and I no longer wake up in his bed in the morning, is the day this will all hit me harder than I had imagined and I'm allowing that to happen.

I'm not unhappy. I'm not satisfied. I'm in this in between place that is a world of confusion and indifference.

293.

Paul Baribeau : How Could That Be True

Here I am; in my new apartment that I have with my best friend, starting my sophomore year of college at the best fit school for me. Yet I still feel like a part of me is missing because you are not around to share this excitement, you're not there for me to call and talk about all the things going on in our lives. I'm disappointed in the fact that I put so much of myself and my efforts into having a relationship with you, and you could not even try for me. Sometimes I think that maybe we are just in too different of places in our lives and maybe one day when we're on the same wave, we can be together again. The stupid girl in me evaluates every conversation and situation trying to make the best of it all and above all make sense of it all. I told you that I regretted you, but in actuality I do not. I do not regret falling in love with you or caring about you; those are things that I will never apologize for.

It was here that we shared one of the best days together.

Limestone Rock Quarry; Peebles, OH.

Give me all your your reckless kisses. Give me all your sleepless nights. You keep calling me up. You say that you love me but how could that be true? How could that be true? Give me all your desperate weekends. Give me all your pointless fights. You got me all messed up now. You say that you love me but how could that be true? How could that be true? I had a bad feeling about tonight but I've got a bad feeling for most of my life. Give me all your boring secrets. Give me all your stupid lies. And now I'm all torn up. You say that you love me but how could that be true? How could that be true?

292.

291.

Jets to Brazil : Perfecting Loneliness

My world is shattering again.

I'm a long list with no time. Sunset panic on the street, sugar and lightbulbs, the milk of kindness is behind us now. With all those stones in your coat, did you think I wouldn't know? The tea leaves of trashed streets, dirty needlesand sweets. Zero to heaven in seven, a lifetime, a nanosecond. All the sand in your glass is going by so fast. The radio is playing our tune. I love it, could you turn it down? The thought of you crying in my room. I miss you, could you come around sometime? When the nigh comes down, the world becomes a room under the microscope with a labcoat and glue. I'm fixing this hole with everything I knew. The music is making my head split. I love it, could you turn it off? The thought of you is tearing me in two. I miss you, could you come around sometime? Sometime? This list is what went right; your name is written twice. We live like astronauts and our missions never cross. The stakes are high, we're standing by. There used to be a hundred ways to put my arms around you; every one seemed new, natural, and true. Perfecting loneliness 'till nothing's holding us. Consider Earth: we could be the first.

290.

So many unexpected things have come from this summer. I never expected to throw away feelings and respect for someone who had a hold over me for so long. I never expected to realize who are my real friends and who are just conveniences. I especially never expected to fall in love. A long distance relationship was something I told myself I was never going to have, now I'm finding myself trying to figure out how to make one work.