236.

Amanda Angelo ; Ardmore Beach; Chicago, Il.

I've been doing well in my critiques so far. The work load is getting more intense. I'm excited and nervous. I need to start meeting people so that I have more models. Once it hits winter, I doubt anyone is going to come here, except for Aaron. I'm sure my class and my professors are going to get tired of seeing Becca all the time. My darkroom professor really likes the nude I did of Becca so I'm hoping it will go over well in critique on Friday.

I've been having dreams lately of people I love dying and me killing them. Last night I had one about Chris and when I went to the hospital to see what had happened, the doctor said he died of a broken heart. Even though I know I haven't hurt him, it still made me want to talk to him and see how he's doing, even if he makes me upset sometimes. Seeing him this weekend was good and bad, but I guess it was more of a push. I keep meeting guys in my class that I'm attracted to but more and more in a friendly way. I keep comparing everyone to him. I miss the excitement I had everytime I spent time with him or talked to him. I talked to Aaron for the first time in weeks. I know that whatever happens between us, we'll always be able to get back to where we were. I know that I want him as my close friend, for a long time. It's rare that I am so sure of what I want.