043.

mewithoutYou: Messes of Men.

I was almost hit by a car today. The sad part about it was that when the car zoomed past me, I wasn't scared at all. I think that I have faced death so many times that it doesn't scare me anymore. I always feared dying alone and unloved.

Because I am so socially awkward, working in retail has always been a little bit difficult for me. But over the past two years I have really learned how to be a people person, maybe because I know that the only way I'll make money is if there is money in the cash register. It makes me really sad when people come into the store and are really rude to me, like I'm some kind of servant. I like helping people pick out outfits and let them know what I think would be flattering. I don't appreciate the disrespect and it really ruins my day.

I want to go back to a couple months ago when I had your full attention. I wish I didn't have to fight so hard for it.

"I do not exist," we faithfully insist, sailing in our separate ships and from each tiny caravel. Tiring of trying, there's a unnecessary dying, like the horseshoe crab in its proper season sheds its shell. Such distance from our friends, like a scratch across the lens, made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood.