Elliott Smith: Oh Well, Okay.
I miss having someone to fall alseep sleep next to. I miss having someone stroke my face and my arms with their fingertips until my eyes get heavy. I miss waking up unexpectedly to our fingers intertwined. I miss having an arm around my waist, making me feel safe. I miss waking up to a beautiful face with an even more beautiful heart inside.
I want to talk to Aaron soon but I haven't mustered up the courage yet. Supposedly I should have no problem speaking to him since we're "cool," but "cool" is not the word I was hoping for. I miss him and his family and just sitting around the house with them cracking jokes, or me being the subject of the joke. I can say that Aaron, Chris, and Aaron's family were one of the biggest highlights of my summer. I wish I could've made that last.
Yesterday afternoon I couldn't stop my heart from beating so fast or keep my hands from trembling. Everytime I'm with you, I am reminded of the reasons why I fell for you two years ago. Somehow my heart has forgotten all the pain that was inside me for so long. I am amazed that you are so capable of the quick transitions of my heart. You can go from making me so incredibly happy to the saddest I've ever been from a drop of a hat.
As I am continuing to reinvent myself, the one thing I have struggled the most with is grudges. I can't help but want to hate anyone who has caused pain to me or my friends and family. Lately I have realized that my continuous cycle of hate puts me far below the people causing pain. I'm letting go of every cut and frayed string. Because this is already a big enough step for me, I can not say that I'm going to put forth any more effort with these people and they will merely be considered as "someone that I used to know."
This is all that's on my mind right now as I'm trying to fall asleep in an empty bed in an empty house listening to Elliott Smith on the record player.
Here's the silhouette the face always turned away, the bleeding color gone to black, dying like a day. Couldn't figure out what made you so unhappy. Shook your head to say no no no and stopped for a spell and stayed that way. Oh well, okay. I got pictures, I just don't see it anymore, climbing hour upon hour through a total bore with the one I keep where it never fades in the safety of a pitch black mind, an airless cell that blocks the day. Oh well, okay. If you a get a feeling the next time you see me, do me a favor and let me know. 'Cause it's hard to tell. It's hard to say "Oh well, okay."
I miss having someone to fall alseep sleep next to. I miss having someone stroke my face and my arms with their fingertips until my eyes get heavy. I miss waking up unexpectedly to our fingers intertwined. I miss having an arm around my waist, making me feel safe. I miss waking up to a beautiful face with an even more beautiful heart inside.
I want to talk to Aaron soon but I haven't mustered up the courage yet. Supposedly I should have no problem speaking to him since we're "cool," but "cool" is not the word I was hoping for. I miss him and his family and just sitting around the house with them cracking jokes, or me being the subject of the joke. I can say that Aaron, Chris, and Aaron's family were one of the biggest highlights of my summer. I wish I could've made that last.
Yesterday afternoon I couldn't stop my heart from beating so fast or keep my hands from trembling. Everytime I'm with you, I am reminded of the reasons why I fell for you two years ago. Somehow my heart has forgotten all the pain that was inside me for so long. I am amazed that you are so capable of the quick transitions of my heart. You can go from making me so incredibly happy to the saddest I've ever been from a drop of a hat.
As I am continuing to reinvent myself, the one thing I have struggled the most with is grudges. I can't help but want to hate anyone who has caused pain to me or my friends and family. Lately I have realized that my continuous cycle of hate puts me far below the people causing pain. I'm letting go of every cut and frayed string. Because this is already a big enough step for me, I can not say that I'm going to put forth any more effort with these people and they will merely be considered as "someone that I used to know."
This is all that's on my mind right now as I'm trying to fall asleep in an empty bed in an empty house listening to Elliott Smith on the record player.
Here's the silhouette the face always turned away, the bleeding color gone to black, dying like a day. Couldn't figure out what made you so unhappy. Shook your head to say no no no and stopped for a spell and stayed that way. Oh well, okay. I got pictures, I just don't see it anymore, climbing hour upon hour through a total bore with the one I keep where it never fades in the safety of a pitch black mind, an airless cell that blocks the day. Oh well, okay. If you a get a feeling the next time you see me, do me a favor and let me know. 'Cause it's hard to tell. It's hard to say "Oh well, okay."
Photograph by Nan Goldin.
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