272.

Making the same "mistake" twice seems to be my profession. I get myself involved again in situations that once felt so right, but now are so wrong. The fact that I don't acknowledge the fact that it's wrong or feel like it's wrong is terrifying. I replay these moments over and over in my head and they give me satisfaction rather than realization.

For the past year or so, every time I slept next to you in your bed, I dreamed of you even though you were right next to me. You weren't next to me how I wanted you to, so my mind fabricated these dreams of what I wished and hoped for. Last week, I didn't dream of you. Feeling your arm around my waist and your chest compressing against my back is what I've been waiting for. Almost two years ago, I felt that a few times and maybe I didn't appreciate it enough then. Your forehead kisses reminded me of a time where things weren't so complicated. I don't have any false hope from this past week or think anything more of it than two people who care for each other sharing a few moments. Maybe that's really all I've been waiting for- not a relationship with you, just a recognition. I know it's selfish of me to not want you to move away considering I have, but I just always want you close to me.

As for you- I don't even know what to say anymore. This summer will be interesting.