Wednesday, November 18, 2009

254.

The National : Slow Show

I overanalyze every situation and tend to put most of the blame on myself. I'm starting to realize who I really want in my life now and who doesn't deserve to be.

I registered for next semester. I'm excited to get out of black and white and into color for awhile. My sophmore year is going to be awesome and I really just want to get to that point. I also can't wait until Becca and I find our perfect apartment.

I have a lot of anxious feelings toward going home.

Standing at the punch table swallowing punch, can’t pay attention to the sound of anyone. A little more stupid, a little more scared, every minute more unprepared. I made a mistake in my life today. Everything I love gets lost in drawers. I want to start over, I want to be winning way out of sync from the beginning. I wanna hurry home to you, put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain. God I’m very, very frightening. I’ll overdo it. Looking for somewhere to stand and stay, I leaned on the wall and the wall leaned away. Can I get a minute of not being nervous and not thinking of my dick? My leg is sparkles, my leg is pins. I better get my shit together, better gather my shit in. You could drive a car through my head in five minutes from one side of it to the other. I wanna hurry home to you, put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain. God I’m very, very frightening. I’ll overdo it. You know I dreamed about you for twenty-nine years before I saw you. You know I dreamed about you. I missed you for twenty-nine years. You know I dreamed about you for twenty-nine years before I saw you. You know I dreamed about you. I missed you for twenty-nine years.

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