of Montreal: Requiem for OMM2
I knew it would only be so long before things go wrong. Things at home are awful. I stopped going home and am planning on moving out. Of course my brother and my sister have been involved even though my sister lives 100 miles away and my brother lives 300 miles away. The problems between my mom and I can not be easily fixed, as we have been trying for months to be able to live in harmony under the same roof. I've slept in my own bed about eight times in the past three months. My mom is always with her boyfriend, which I do not blame her for. She has been taking care of other people her entire life and now she needs a break for the sake of her own sanity. At first it really upset me that I didn't really have a mother acting like a mother, I certainly had no father figure because he's been dead for seven years, and that I had to support myself with the exception of a roof over my head and my horse. I never minded the responsibility of having to pay for my own gas, my own phone bill, groceries, and all the little things. I felt that it would make me more prepared for when I'm completely on my own. Now that I want to be completely independent, my mother is having an issue. Even though she hasn't really been around, now there is suddenly a problem with me being completely gone. As of right now, I'm pretty much on my own already.
I really appreciate Kelsey Kalnow and Kelsey Swain helping me find a new place for Dobbin for when I'm in Chicago. I started riding horses when my dad got diagnosed with cancer (nine years old) and received Dobbin as my thirteenth birthday present. Ever since then he has been my best friend. I would come to the barn in tears and he would know that he would have to behave more than usual and then he would wrap his head and neck around me as if they were arms for a hug. This past year with him has been a rollercoaster. Almost a year ago I came to the barn with Dobbin laying in the gravel in his own blood, not being able to stand. I lifted his head up and put it in my lap and stroked his face to calm him down. When I stood up, he put all of his effort into standing up with me. The vet thought that he wasn't going to live and if he did, he would never be able to do anything besides walk. Considering that he is a world champion barrel horse, it would be torture for him to never be able to run again. Nevertheless, my mom and I paid over $2,000 in vet bills to keep him alive and feeling well. After a few months of playing doctor and changing his bandages every day, I decided to put a saddle on him again. I could tell that he was still weak, so we took it easy for awhile. After moving him even further away from me, I saddled him up again and after one kick he started running. Running smoother than ever. So I thought that maybe he could be able to race again, but lately he's been limping again and doesn't have the strength for barrels. He is essentially worth nothing. The thought of selling him crossed my mind but there is no way that any amount of money would convince me to just sell my best friend like he was a piece of furniture. So I really do appreciate everyone who has been helping me with him and find a cheaper place for him to go.
All in all, I really miss you. I thought that if I didn't talk to you anymore and I never tried to see you, things would be easier. But the fact that you haven't tried yourself, is what hurts. You said you missed being my friend and that you really want things to be okay. I tried to make them okay but your nonchalant way of going about renewing a friendship has made me more upset with you than any of the other stunts you have pulled with me. I hope you get everything you want out of life.
I knew it would only be so long before things go wrong. Things at home are awful. I stopped going home and am planning on moving out. Of course my brother and my sister have been involved even though my sister lives 100 miles away and my brother lives 300 miles away. The problems between my mom and I can not be easily fixed, as we have been trying for months to be able to live in harmony under the same roof. I've slept in my own bed about eight times in the past three months. My mom is always with her boyfriend, which I do not blame her for. She has been taking care of other people her entire life and now she needs a break for the sake of her own sanity. At first it really upset me that I didn't really have a mother acting like a mother, I certainly had no father figure because he's been dead for seven years, and that I had to support myself with the exception of a roof over my head and my horse. I never minded the responsibility of having to pay for my own gas, my own phone bill, groceries, and all the little things. I felt that it would make me more prepared for when I'm completely on my own. Now that I want to be completely independent, my mother is having an issue. Even though she hasn't really been around, now there is suddenly a problem with me being completely gone. As of right now, I'm pretty much on my own already.
I really appreciate Kelsey Kalnow and Kelsey Swain helping me find a new place for Dobbin for when I'm in Chicago. I started riding horses when my dad got diagnosed with cancer (nine years old) and received Dobbin as my thirteenth birthday present. Ever since then he has been my best friend. I would come to the barn in tears and he would know that he would have to behave more than usual and then he would wrap his head and neck around me as if they were arms for a hug. This past year with him has been a rollercoaster. Almost a year ago I came to the barn with Dobbin laying in the gravel in his own blood, not being able to stand. I lifted his head up and put it in my lap and stroked his face to calm him down. When I stood up, he put all of his effort into standing up with me. The vet thought that he wasn't going to live and if he did, he would never be able to do anything besides walk. Considering that he is a world champion barrel horse, it would be torture for him to never be able to run again. Nevertheless, my mom and I paid over $2,000 in vet bills to keep him alive and feeling well. After a few months of playing doctor and changing his bandages every day, I decided to put a saddle on him again. I could tell that he was still weak, so we took it easy for awhile. After moving him even further away from me, I saddled him up again and after one kick he started running. Running smoother than ever. So I thought that maybe he could be able to race again, but lately he's been limping again and doesn't have the strength for barrels. He is essentially worth nothing. The thought of selling him crossed my mind but there is no way that any amount of money would convince me to just sell my best friend like he was a piece of furniture. So I really do appreciate everyone who has been helping me with him and find a cheaper place for him to go.
All in all, I really miss you. I thought that if I didn't talk to you anymore and I never tried to see you, things would be easier. But the fact that you haven't tried yourself, is what hurts. You said you missed being my friend and that you really want things to be okay. I tried to make them okay but your nonchalant way of going about renewing a friendship has made me more upset with you than any of the other stunts you have pulled with me. I hope you get everything you want out of life.
When I met you, I was just a kid, hadn't built up my defenses. So I gave my heart completely, vaseline over the lenses. Memories don't go away, I remember every day. I never, ever stop wondering, wondering if you still think of us. I don't need a photograph because you've never left my mind. No, you've never left my mind. I remember feeling like a ship whose captain was too drunk to steer and you watched as I was sinking, waving sadly from the pier. Memories don't go away, I remember every day. I never, ever stop wondering, wondering if you still think of us. I don't need a photograph because you've never left my mind. No, you've never left my mind. It's such a burden to carry around the vestiges of dead dreams and I don't want to make a wake out of my life. I just have to let you go.
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