308.

Cheap Girls : Something That I Need

Dear Ability to Make Smart Decisions,
Please let me make smart decisions. Right now, it's really hard to make my heart in sync with my brain.

The words I say, they don't mean anything, and I don't want to hear it at all. But someone's gotta do what the others, they will not do. It looks like we rose just to fall. You said you saw something when you saw me standing on east side steps. Looking for something to make more of nothing like before is coming round again. Some say I look shook up or just abandon. Hey will you just make the call? To a couple blocks away where we both know that all the right ones stay. They've got something that I need but they aren't the sharing type. And you know I take it all too seriously when you sit right back, start fucking with me. We both got something to say for the sake of saying something. I should just start writing down half of the things that you say because these last few weeks have been a complete and total blur. What's the chance of me getting wrapped up and carried out to sea? I've got a motive if you've got an answer. I'm sorry, I just had to call.

307.

Lemuria : It's Not a Lie, It's a Secret

I never thought I could say I feel relieved to not have you in my life, but I am. You're going to drown in your own selfish lifestyle and behavior. You're going to continue having friends and lovers that don't really care about you. Someday when you're old and there's no one there to take care of you, you'll regret how you've treated me.

I also never thought I'd meet someone else so soon. Even if this doesn't work out, I feel so much better. I need to start surrounding myself with people who love and care about me unconditionally, and not just whenever it is convenient. I need to start focusing on myself again.

Let's fog up some more windows, clutter up in the back of your rusty car. I'm a little nervous, I haven't done this in quite awhile. There's a lot of inches, receiving all those wonderful kisses. Things are falling right into place. I think I've been kissing all those things I've been missing. I think I've been missing everything moving slow.

306.

Iron Chic : Every Town Has an Elm Street

I have this feeling in my stomach that won't go away. I can't sleep at night. I just want to get back to normal. I've always known that both Cincinnati and Chicago would be my homes. Lately when I've been in Cincinnati I feel like I'm going back to a place full of both good and bad memories. Any sort of memory is killing me.

You took the first fucking chance to get out of town. I'm cool with that but I still want you around. I wouldn't say I'm stuck here but that's irrelevant because you're free and clear. But don't sweat it. I'm just saying I couldn't really make a case for staying. I don't think I'm wrong, I don't think you're wrong. In the worst fucking case we could lose ourselves, each of us in a personal hell. We can take the heartache as we stumble our way through our old mistakes. And I get it, I don't regret it. I just want to be the one who said it. Right or wrong it's different when you're gone. We made a hell of a mess out of this poor town. We've been given the chance to spread it around. We do things the hard way. We all fall apart at our own pace. Ugly bedrooms, bred bad habits made it hard to see through all the static. Does it ever end? It never fucking ends. We saw it coming from a thousand miles away. It's a brand new day and we all find our way. Home is where the heart stays when the heart strays. Home is where we are today.

Shits/Giggles

i'm anxious, i think i'll be alright
and i'm wasted but i'm not gonna waste the night
maybe i'll go outside, maybe get a life
making stupid faces
i'm begging the question
and wasting the answers
just for the fuck of it
i'm staring x-rays, i can see whats inside
i'm weightless but i'm not gonna wait all night
desperate places call for more desperate measures
we're destined for failure
playing our parts in it
i'm braced for the ending
i'm through pretending now
like i'd been from the start of it

The World's Greatest Detective

do we think about the lives we've led
or where we'll go when we are dead?
of course we do
do we pack it in and hedge our bets
or believe, every now and then
that we made the best of it?
do we live for a paycheck?
would we pay for a new life?
spend all our days in a world that is plagued
by motivations that are selfish at best
lock our hopes up in our head
and hope that we can forget

Don't Tell Me Stupid, Don't Show Me Fuck You

i can't stand the cold, it cuts to the bone
and you can't wear good intentions
what's plan B for mice and men
when your best laid plans have shit the bed?
we'll survive on the lies we're fed
because you can't eat promises
will we even live to see the end?
posters and peeling paint
the walls, the floors they all seem the same
any difference feels insignificant
will we even live to see the end?
it's an arrangement that tends to disappoint
we're not mis-informed we just miss the point
the silence grows, turn on the stereo
anything to break the tension

(I Never Get) Winded

these are the risks i take, this is the life i chose
and if i make mistakes at least they are my own
there is no fate but what we make
and in the end we all terminate
if we try and make our time worthwhile
then we've done alright
the lights are out the doors are closed
the end of the show the end of the road
we can pretend that we don't know
but we know

In One Ear

is the song worth singing
when there's no one listening?
you know the words
you know they hurt
but you know they're right
when you got the urge
you thought you were the first
but you will never be first at anything
are your ears still ringing?
are the wounds still stinging?
you know the words
you know every verse
you know what's right
that's what makes this worse
so fucking absurd
you have never been so sure about anything

Timecop

remember when time was all we had?
no care for the sand in the hourglass
each new night was another shot
to stake our claim on a parking lot
remember when friends we're all we'd need?
day followed the night and we'd let it lead
in the basement
on the pavement
we couldn't conceive of an end to it
but it's not like that anymore
re-group, re-calculate
rushing in was our first mistake
re-think, re-calibrate
set our sights on something bigger
(maybe move on to better things)
remember the pain of growing up?
it may have hurt but it sure was fun
it made us who we are now
it gave us a mystery to figure out
this is what we waited for
these days not much has changed
except how we feel and whats at stake
but we are still the same
should we chose to linger
or move on to better things

Steel Wall Method

i cant explain it, it came to me in a dream
can you keep a secret? it's my greatest weakness
i never really know whats impossible
i've fucked up before
i cant really say that i wont fuck up anymore
(i don't really have a choice)
it doesn't matter anyway, free will will be the end of me
it will be the end of me
the feeling's nameless, it changes me while i sleep
i've fucked up before
i cant really say that i wont fuck up anymore
(i don't really have a choice)
but it doesn't matter anyway
free will will be the end of me
it will be the end of me
can you keep a secret? it's my greatest weakness
i never learned how to be responsible
i've fucked up before
i cant really say that i wont fuck up anymore
(i don't really have a choice)
but it doesn't matter anyway
free will will be the end of me
it will be the end of me

Sensitive Dependence

a little blood in the water but thats all it too
a talking snake in the garden now all hell's breaking loose
if you could open your eyes you'd fucking see for yourself
the simple truth of it is we let them take our future
and fuck it to death
we are aware of what they are saying, no one cares if it's true
the light at the end of the tunnel is a rope that ends in a noose
we could put an end to the lies that we've been telling ourselves
just know that we're part of it now
if we don't keep moving we'll be eaten alive
are we strong enough to take a long hard look right at the guts?
roll our shirt sleeves up and get to the heart of what's hurting us
put a price on life and we're buying it
but the cost is high and who's paying for that?
maybe we can get rich off them
maybe it's just a means to an end
like trying to breathe underwater it hurts and it don't work
ache for the sake of a dollar and all that it's worth
would you just roll your eyes and put an end to yourself
if you found truth of it was that we're as much to blame as anyone else?

Cry-Baby

there's a shiver running down my spine
i've got half a mind to break the laws of space and time
(and one day we'll scream it)
right here from the the top of the world
(someday we'll mean it)
you can see my house from here
we've seen better days
when all is said and done we can't complain
there's a song thats running through my mind
there's a range of things i think about but cant define
(and one day we'll scream it)
when we take over the world
(someday we'll mean it)
we can ruin everything

305.

RVIVR: Real Mean

I'm getting on much better now. Maybe you ignoring all of my attempts at communication is actually good for me. I've never been good at letting people go and you just seem to not really care at all. It is just strange to think that our downward spiral came out of nowhere and one day we're waking up next to each other, and the next we're not even speaking.

Now I just need my motivation back.

I read back over things that I wrote three years ago and I'm ten years older. Time moves fast and time moves slow. Before you told me that I'd fucked up worse than none before, you whispered that I was a better person than you. I disagreed then, don't anymore. And what's the use? I know that you're just sore to lose. Cause I was never half as bad as you were bad to me. Being real not being mean. You tried to twist it. I tried to fix it more than you could ever know. To do things to be your friend and make it right. To find a thread that I could start to sew. You're old enough to know the difference between being real and being mean.